The Best Policy

I want to share with you a quick story, and provide some thoughts about how honest feedback can strengthen personal and business relationships.  The story:  I recently had a series of challenging discussions with a business contact.  This person, who I’ll refer to as “Rick”, has been a business acquaintance of mine for a few years.  We have a strong respect for one another and understand each other since we have similar roles.  From time to time, we have to engage in a negotiation where we have differing priorities based upon our own companies’ business objectives.

It was during one of our negotiating calls that I pointed out some valid concerns I had about the health of his company and, by extension, how that could impact the business deal we were discussing.  I knew this was something we needed to discuss and factor into our negotiation.  We discussed it, and over time arrived at a satisfactory outcome.

The important part of this story is what happened afterwards.  Rick and I talked as the deal was nearing completion, and he took time during one of our calls to very directly (and professionally) tell me how my earlier comments had been insulting to him.  He was offended by my suggestion that his company’s longevity could be in question, and confessed that it really bothered him that I had said that.  He said he kept the information to himself within his own company so we could get the deal done, but he wanted me to know how he felt about it.

I had two immediate reactions.  The first was the typical reaction when you hear that you have offended someone you respect.  Although I continue to believe that the issue I raised had to be raised, and I thought I had handled it professionally, I immediately apologized to him for having offended him and spent some time really listening to how he felt so that I could capture any “lessons learned”.

The second reaction, and the thrust of this post, was this:  I was energized by his honesty.  I viewed it as a gift.

How often have we been annoyed by something someone has said and not brought it up?  One of my great annoyances in business are prospects who keep telling you what you want to hear during a sales cycle (How do you like our product?  “Great!”  Does the pricing work for you? “Yes!”  Are you seriously considering any other providers?  “Nope!”) and suddenly, they call with the bad news that they’ve decided to go a different direction.

Situations like these reflect a failure in the selling process to be sure, but less discussed is how they are also a failure in the buying process.

I have gotten to the point where I now believe that if I, as a consumer, am receiving a less-than-expected experience from some provider, I am more vocal in providing constructive feedback (I don’t bother with companies that clearly don’t care – e.g. cable providers and airlines) which is hopefully centered from my desire to help them improve, rather than my desire to vent.  How many of us go to a restaurant and have a bad dinner, but when the restaurant manager swings by our table and asks if everything is alright we say “yes”, only to swear off re-visiting the restaurant ever again once we get into our car?

I’m starting to feel bad for those restaurant guys.  Nobody is giving them an opportunity to find problems and fix them. I think we’re being dishonest when we indicate we’re satisfied when, in fact, we’re not.  Which brings me back to Rick.

I think he is a stand-up guy for dealing with his irritation with me so directly – otherwise I would have had no idea he was feeling the way he did, which would have likely weakened our relationship over time.  Instead he did the high-trust, honest thing:  he told me how he felt and why he felt that way, which took guts and trust.  Even though I didn’t fully retract my concern, we talked it out, understood where the other was coming from, and I like to think our relationship is a strong as it ever was, if not stronger.

In personal relationships as well as business relationships, it might be hard, and might require extra courage, but the best policy is this:  Constructive and Professional Honesty.